"Speakers for a Sociopath"

ar_pro · March 28, 2015

Best Craigslist ad in awhile.

From a Prospect Heights AR-enthusiast (edited for language ):

Speakers for a Sociopath - $250

Are you single? Family and friend free? Scorned by your neighbors? Now you can be! Alienate them completely by playing your blanky mixtape at full volume all the blanking time.

Sick of the neighbor kid who plays the same blanky top-40 R&B mix tape every morning at 6 when she (or he, I'm not sexist) wakes up for school?

Fulfill your fantasies of becoming a modern day Marquis de Sade and blast Canadian Superstar Raffi's hit single, Bananaphone, straight through their skulls at 3AM until they beg for mercy.

For the budding sociopath in you, I present the most unreasonable speakers ever to live in a New York City walk up apartment: the Acoustic Research P428 PS'sesses's.

With a classy black ash vinyl veneer, chipped in some corners, these speakers will lend an air of dumpster-chic to your hovel.

Featuring a 4-way design, these babies have a soft dome tweeter that I have completely resisted pushing in. The mid-range and woofer cones are in remarkably good shape. I assume that they sold their soul to the devil. At the bottom, each MDF monolith features an integrated, rear-firing subwoofer with built in amp. When you turn them on, a red led by the tweeter turns green, telling you to go. Just go.

You don't want to be near these things unless you hate your eardrums.

Have I mentioned that they are loud? They are. Do not set anything fragile anywhere near them. Blank these speakers.

Why am I getting rid of them, you ask?

They're cramping my style, man. These things take up the valuable space I need to lounge naked on my floor, drinking sherry, and ignoring my love child like a modern day Oscar Wilde as I listen to bands you haven't heard of yet at an appropriately sensitive volume.

Cash sale only. No exceptions. If you're the kind of person who wants these speakers, you're probably not the kind of person I would like to interact with for long. Because I'm a blank. And so are you.

If you're not a haggling, sentient bag of blanks, I have an older Yamaha amp that I will give or sell you for cheap. I don't need it no more, ya hear?